Scott's Thoughts

“Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters," by Dr. Meg Meeker

The day after Meredith, our first child, was born, the doctor deadpanned, “Now all you’ve got to do is raise her.” The intense labor and delivery was over, but the real challenge of being parents was just beginning. Here we had a precious little girl, and I was her father! Now, Lord willing, we are going to have our fourth child and third daughter in March (somehow, we also produced a son). Being a dad to my son doesn’t seem nearly as intimidating as being a dad to my daughters. For that reason, when I saw an ad in World Magazine for a book called “Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters – 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know,” I figured I’d give it a try.

The author is a pediatrician, Dr. Meg Meeker. Her fundamental aim is to encourage fathers to make the necessary effort to provide the kind of leadership, authority, and love that daughters need from their dads. Anyone committed to a biblical view of the family, especially of the importance of the father in the life of the children, will not quarrel with Dr. Meeker’s basic point.

In the book, Dr. Meeker paints a very scary picture of our culture, one that seems almost designed to destroy the lives of girls and young women. Sexual images are ubiquitous, driving home the point to girls that their primary value lies in their bodies and appearance. Moral relativism has replaced whatever Christian ethic may have kept teenage sexual activity in check. The result of all this is that our nation’s girls are being devastated by the consequences of our culture’s promotion of boundary-free sex: from STD’s to depression to just plain confusion about how to live in this world. The statistics and studies that Dr. Meeker cites are eye-opening. About the worst thing we can do for our daughters is let the culture be their primary teacher about who they are, what they are to believe, and what they are to do. Yet that is what is happening.

The good news is fathers are able to shape their daughters hearts and minds like no one else can. A dad is a hero in the eyes of his daughter. She craves his love and attention. A daughter will one day look for a husband that is like her father. A father can teach his daughter modesty, and humility, and how to serve others rather than herself. I was thankful to be reminded of all these truths. Most helpful was the simple but profound truth that, as a dad, I occupy a huge place in the minds of my daughters. Dr. Meeker puts it this way: “Realize who you are to her.”

“Strong Fathers” certainly isn’t written from a strong biblical world-and-life perspective (though Dr. Meeker will probably sound like a fundamentalist to some who don’t question our culture’s confused understanding of family). In fact, the most disappointing chapter for me was “Teach Her Who God Is”. It almost sounded as though she was saying: “Give her God – it doesn’t really matter which one – and she will be a healthier and more well-adjusted person.” Is that really why we worship and serve God – to make our families better and happier? Of course not, but that is the kind of utilitarian approach to religion Dr. Meeker seems to endorse in the book.

Despite that, though, there is much value here. If you are a Christian father of daughters, your goal, more than anything else, is to communicate truth to your girls about their Heavenly Father. If you read her book with some discernment, and keep in mind the biblical principles that underlie her basic points, Dr. Meeker has much help to offer those dads who have been given the precious but daunting call to be a girl's father.